Will you blow on my dice?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This is the high leading the old right now
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
