I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
