sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
