i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
