dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
