we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
