She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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