Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
