Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heâ€™s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You ruined the universe