that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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