I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
