Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Randomize
