This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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