you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
