Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
