I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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