Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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