Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
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we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
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My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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