Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
