a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
