I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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