Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
