too bad you live with your parents still
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
