Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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