From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
