im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
