he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize