Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
