Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
