never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
True college students do jello shots in the library
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
