when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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