Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
