I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
