As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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