Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
