Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
When are your genitals available?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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