he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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