just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
