Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
