and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
