We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
