it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have already put on my inside pants.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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