wanna go halves on a baby?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think your dad took our porno
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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