we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
