He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
