I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
