best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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