I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
