So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
