Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
