Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
