I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
