I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
