i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
