i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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