What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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