Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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