Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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