I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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