Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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