hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
