i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize