if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
