Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
