I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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