the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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