I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
