You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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