I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
